I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
