Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
