I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
