He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
