at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
