I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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