I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dicks are not precious.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
