What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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