Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize