OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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