I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
