Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have fence marks all over my body
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize