turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
