So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
