So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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