you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize