You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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