Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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