I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
third nipple confirmed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize