one two three fourrrrnication!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
