Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
