You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
