I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
