why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
this is an emotional support booty call
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
