You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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