I don't think brook has ever known best
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
