I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize