Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
