Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You need Xanax blowdarts
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
