you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize