So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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