Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
