Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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