ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize