I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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