I accidentally burped into my bong.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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