saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
