maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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