My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
A bitchslap is in order.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
