I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
