toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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