Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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