just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
