i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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