his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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