just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
