Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize