Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
