Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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