chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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