Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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