i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
