Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
