well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize