Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
