She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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