but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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