I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize