I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
