i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
