I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize