yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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