Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
