You can't special order awesome
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
