my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize