Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
