Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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