dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
