Your face is a jimmy john
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize