the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
