He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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