so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
