dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
