I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
