It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
