Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize