yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
