I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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