do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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