If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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