He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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