My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
