i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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