we're blogging at a bar
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
