Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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