Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
