he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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