he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
