My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
