When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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