Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
