im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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