Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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