And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
