god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish i was in the wii world.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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