Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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