I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
