Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We are all done wearing pants today
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
