I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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