This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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