stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I take back everything I said about communal showers
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize