it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
