After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
