Christians are straight up FREAKS
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
