Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
