You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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